Oh, Brother!
by Sanarina
Summary: There's something wrong with Itachi! Besides being a mass murderer, that is...


**Disclaimer:** If I owned Naruto, it would be called Sasuke. Enough said.

* * *

**Oh, Brother!**

Sasuke Uchiha, self-proclaimed Avenger of the Uchiha clan, loved chocolate chip cookies, and hated his brother. It was a simple but fulfilling existence.

Yet it all changed the day a cloaked figure with whirling red eyes followed him home from training…

"Itachi…" Sasuke shrank back, eyes wide. _I'm not ready yet,_ he thought desperately.

He tried to say something, but some unknown force constricted his throat, making him unable to speak.

The fear and hatred in his gaze were nearly tangible, tainting the air around him.

The figure with the red irises stood silently in the doorway of Sasuke's room, regarding its occupant with an icy gaze. "Stand up."

It was a command, and even now Sasuke was powerless against it. His brother had always had a strange ability to control Sasuke without effort.

He rose, trembling slightly. His brother hadn't changed at all, looking exactly like the photograph Sasuke kept to remind himself of his hatred.

"Sasuke, it's been so long!" The warm words were a direct contrast to the cold voice that spoke.

Too shaken to move, Sasuke stood still as the taller man stepped forward to hug him – a brotherly embrace. A kunai was in his hand before he could think, but somehow he lacked the courage to drive it into Itachi's back.

_This would be too easy,_ Sasuke reasoned. _I have lived with the deaths of everyone I have ever cared about because of him. He doesn't deserve a quick death._

Abstractly, Sasuke noticed that his brother's hair was less coarse than his own, and smelled like strawberries.

Finally, the elder Uchiha stepped back. A grin looked out of place on his pale face, as he continued, "How have you been, little brother?" Itachi held something in his hands. Shifting almost nervously, he thrust it at his brother and muttered, "I hope you didn't develop allergies. I burnt two batches before I got this right."

Dumbfounded, and completely unsure of what was happening, Sasuke took the package he was handed. He watched as his hands moved without conscious thought. Sasuke had always been able to maintain an expression of bored superiority while daydreaming happily about killing his brother, so this unconscious behavior was nothing unusual.

Except, of course, that a mass murderer had just given him a gift that smelled like fresh baked goods.

He hesitated, hands trembling slightly as he examined the gift. Itachi had obviously wrapped it himself, with lumpy black paper. All of his brother's birthday presents to him had been similarly misshapen in appearance.

As he found a piece of tape and carefully peeled it off, hoping to reuse the wrapping paper if his brother didn't kill him before he had the chance, Sasuke's wild imagination broke loose. Outwardly, he appeared focused on unwrapping the gift, with no sign of the pictures rushing through his head.

What he thought was most likely was that a springloaded kunai had been placed on a plate. It would jump out and pierce him before he could even scream.

Sasuke peeled off the last bit of tape, then ducked under a table. Nothing happened. Itachi stared at his cowering form, bemused.

Sasuke peered over the edge of the table, peeking through the layers of crumpled black paper.

Inside was a plate of… chocolate chip cookies. Sasuke gaped, an unaccustomed expression on his normally determined face. He felt something cramp in his jaw.

_This has to be a dream, _he thought. But then again, most of Sasuke's dreams were filled with blood, anger, and angst. And… well… tomatoes, but he had no time to think about that. No, this was too weird – too _happy_ – to be one of his dreams. He put the cookies on a table.

Itachi continued to ramble, asking about things like girlfriends, pets, and goals for the future. He was acting almost… like a brother. At one point, he raised his hand. Sasuke instinctively ducked away from a slap, but Itachi crowed "High five, little brother!", red eyes sparkling with happiness.

_Sharingan,_ Sasuke noticed dumbly. _Hey – _I_ have that too!_

His eyes became red and black, matching his brother's. Only, there seemed to be a sparkly aura around Itachi.

"Genjutsu," Sasuke snarled. He lunged forward, kunai in his hand once more. "Who are you?"

"What do you mean, dear brother?" Itachi's voice sounded slightly nervous and high-pitched. Sasuke wasted no time – creating an image to appear to lunge at the imposter from the front, he crept from behind and delicately touched the tip of his kunai to the other's throat.

Suddenly, the taller man was replaced by a boy in an orange jumpsuit, smiling and scratching his head awkwardly.

"Aw, Sasuke. You ruined it so soon. I didn't even get to the part where we went for ramen…"

"Naruto… Uzumaki…" There was pure ice in Sasuke's voice, his Sharingan whirling like windmills, and all of his arrogant composure had returned.

"Um… I need to rescue a fly that's about to drown in my ramen," Naruto said quickly. He had been practicing to beat Kakashi in this years Worst Excuses contest, and it seemed he had a good chance of winning. He backed away through the door slowly, holding his hands out in defense, then sprinted away down the street.

Sasuke watched him go with blazing eyes. Then he sank to the floor. He could just _kill _Naruto… except he'd rather kill Itachi.

That was a relief. Sasuke would have felt so empty if the one he had hated for so long had brought him cookies. He had purpose once more, able to continue in the path of the Avenger that had been his own for so long. There had been a scary moment there, when he had feared that the man he had sworn to kill had brought him snacks.

Nibbling cautiously on a cookie, then proceeding to empty the plate, Sasuke sighed in contentment.

Sasuke Uchiha, self-proclaimed Avenger of the Uchiha clan, loved chocolate chip cookies, and hated his brother. It was a simple but fulfilling existence.

But there was now a pressing question in Sasuke's mind. Could Itachi really bake chocolate chip cookies?

* * *

**A/N:** Well, I was thinking about what Sasuke's meeting with his brother would be like, at long last. And then I thought: What if Itachi brought him cookies? Don't ask... my mind works in mysterious ways. Thanks as always to silvermoon123 for your support and paparate for your very useful and hilarious suggestions.

But I wonder... what if, instead of confronting the real Itachi with a kunai, Sasuke baked _him_ cookies? Perhaps a sequel is in order...


End file.
